Owning my own hypocrisy

As my One Piece experience draws me ever closer to something approaching up-to-date with this monster, it has come to my attention that this might be an appropriate time to share what I shall call "Everything you never wanted to know about me and shipping but have already come to suspect".


1. Things that have always turned me away from a ship at the door:

1. Partners are separated by a large age gap ¹ and/or maturity gap ², (unless, of course, said pairing has the get-out-of-jail-free card of having at least one partner who is immortal or otherwise ages at a non-standard rate, in which case all bets are off ³). This goes double if the relationship resembles a parent/child dynamic, but stands regardless.
   
2. Partners have never or only briefly met in canon, and showed no overwhelming interest in each other at the time. ⁴
   
3. Ship is hindered by massive canonical impediments, eg, one of them is an unrepentant mass murderer and the other a good guy, one genuinely wants to murder the other, completely irreconcilable life goals, one of them is dead, etc – such that it is, at best, more of a shipwreck than an actual ship. ⁵
   
4. The ship breaks up my OTP and steals all the good fanart goddamnit


¹ say, for the sake of the argument, more than 50% the age of younger party, eg: any teacher/student ship from series like Naruto or One Piece
² eg: Katara/Aang
³ eg: Sol/Ky, arguably Cable/Deadpool
⁴ eg: many years of half-hearted bitching about Kakashi/Iruka
⁵ eg: Subaru/Seishirou, Zato/Millia, Vriska/Tavros

( Cut to avoid f-list clutter )