rallamajoop

Five Things About Superheros that would Make More Sense if they were all contestants in a Corporate-Sponsored Reality TV Program

1. The brightly coloured spandex
("They need to show up on camera! They need to be recognisable, especially when they're moving at superspeed and all the camera gets is a red blur crashing into a brown blur! Think about how much more money we'll make if we can splash corporate logos and company colours all over their costumes!")


2. The ridiculously skimpy bathing suits ("Sex sells. Why would you even question an idiom that gets you 2.5 million results on google?")
   
   
3. The dangling question of who pays for all the damage (This being the other reason why it is vitally important every registered superhero has a well-funded corporate sponsor.)
   
   
4. Why they're never allowed to kill anyone. Not even dangerously violent multiple murderers, and not even in self defence. ("Don't you realise this is supposed to be family entertainment? Do you want us to lose our prime-time timeslot?")
   
   
5. The posing, the dramatic speeches about justice, the revolving doors installed in the prison cells of every single notable villain ("It's sad how the Joker keeps killing all those people, but every time someone catches him our ratings go through the roof!"), DID I MENTION THE COSTUMES?
   
   
6. Barnaby Brooks Jr is Batman.