[Tiger & Bunny] Like falling off a log
Sep. 1st, 2011 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rallamajoopNormally, we're not the kind to pay much mind to the standard seme/uke archtypes, but after basking in all the glorious slashiness of one of those recent Tiger & Bunny episodes, we found ourselves caught up in That Conversation over which of our heros would be the top in that relationship - much complicated by the fact that even if you do play straight from the stereotypes, this is one case where there's real ambiguity. While the seme!Bunny that quickly became so popular in Japanese doujinshi is a little hard to picture in the wake of, for example, EVERYTHING IN EPISODE 19, it's not exactly hard to see where the idea of uke!Kotetsu came from when the guy had been through not one but two separate princess-carry rescues by episode 10. At this point I made the mistake of uttering the words "Hey, someone should write a fic where [obvious third option] happens!" - and that was as mistake, because ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
velithya immediately pointed out that person was going to be me.
Title: Like falling off a log
Summary: In which Kotetsu and Barnaby attempt, somewhat miserably, to have sex.
Rating: R
Word count: ~1050
Notes: Presumably set somewhere post episode 13, though no real spoilers. Not to be taken remotely seriously.
After half a minute of nervous anticipation without any hint as to what's taking Kotetsu so long, Barnaby gives in to the temptation to look back over his shoulder. What he sees makes his jaw drop. "Are you reading the instructions?"
Kotetsu makes an abortive movement, rather like he'd been about to hide the tube of lubricant he'd been scrutinising behind his back (as though there could be anything left on it worth hiding after the time they'd already taken to determine it was the one brand on the rack which a) was not marketed on the basis of flavour, ability to glow in the dark or other gimmick that neither of them could look the other in eye while considering, b) was not among the excruciatingly named knock-off brands packaged in imitation of the one with Nathan's face plastered all over the tube or c) was, most important of all, not the one which did have Nathan's face plastered all over the tube, despite the sales girl's enthusiastic recommendation). He looks up at Barnaby with the slack-jawed expression that means he's been caught out and is about to handle it badly—the one that has, over the course of their association, gone from being infuriating to merely frustrating to frustratingly endearing, and is now responsible for churning up a horrible suspicion in the stomach of one Barnaby Brooks Jr.
"Oh. Well," Kotetsu stammers. "It's common sense, isn't it? A Hero needs be responsible, whether he's apprehending a criminal or-"
Earlier that week, the both of them had spent the best part of a workday standing in front of a series of colourful, painfully two-dimensional studio sets recording sound bites and TV spots promoting the latest iteration of the Sternbild City police department's after school safety campaign. It's with a level of abject horror that Barnaby recognises that a thoroughly non-under-12's-appropriate version of Kotetsu's Responsible Hero routine is about to intrude in their first attempt to have actual sex, and this is one of the reasons he interrupts before one more word can make it out of his partner's mouth. "Kotetsu, have you done this before?"
Kotetsu is predictably taken aback. "Oi, now what kind of question is that for a man with an adorable ten-year-old daughter? We didn't find her on the doorstep, you know!"
"I mean," says Barnaby, trying very hard to be gentle despite a stomach twisting around into interestingly nervous shapes, "have you done this before with another man?"
Kotetsu's expression hangs there, comically frozen in place for a few seconds before everything about his posture deflates. "Ah. Well, actually, the truth is—when I met Tomoe I was only in high school, and after... well, for a while you don't believe there's going to be an after, you know? And even later, well, it didn't seem right if it wasn't with someone who meant the same as what she did..."
Kotetsu's eyes have gone soft and distant. This is a conversation they've had before (or one much like) in the course of a courtship strung together on the over-tensioned strings of so many misunderstood messages that it's with a sense of familiarity that Barnaby realises how badly he'd overestimated this aspect of his partner's life in the five years he's been widowed. "You could have told me, you know." It's no admonition. It's no more than the simple truth.
Kotetsu scratches the back of his head and gives a lop-sided grin. "Sorry, my bad. Couldn't bear to look so uncool in front of my gorgeous new boyfriend," and that's all good and well, they're both smiling about it, until Kotetsu adds, "You know, there's him with all his legions of fans practically throwing themselves at his feet, how can I go and admit to being so inexperienced?"
This makes so little sense that Barnaby goes on smiling for several seconds before Kotetsu's meaning sinks in. "Oh—you thought I'd..." Barnaby can feel his cheeks heating with unusual speed. "Oh. No. I never—I never did... anything like that..."
Now it's Kotetsu's turn to gape at him. "You mean-"
"Is that so hard to believe?" says Barnaby, and oh god, he's naked in bed with Kotetsu and this is what sends him blushing like a schoolgirl? "Until now, I never had time for anything but my research and my work to become a hero w-worthy of my parents' legacy. Weren't you the one always saying I needed to relax more?"
"Yeah, but when it comes to your fans you were always so serious. I mean," Kotetsu amends, realising a moment late how that sounded, "not that being serious means sleeping with them, but anyone could have told you you could have had anyone you wanted. You project such an image!"
"It's part of the job!" Barnaby protests.
Kotetsu laughs softly, and gently brushes a stray hair out of Barnaby's face. "Aren't we the pair? Both of us so sure the other's the one to look up to. Well, that doesn't matter. We'll figure this out together, right?"
"Mm." That doesn't sound at all bad.
"Anyhow," says Kotetsu, "how different can it be to having sex with a lady? Sure they say first times can be a little, you know, a little rough, but as long as we have this there's no problem!" Kotetsu brandishes the lube as though he's been paid to endorse it. "Lube, then condoms... wait, no, it's the other way around, isn't it? Hang on, before that there's the fingers... no, one finger first then fingers... and that's easy as long as the guy on the bottom is, um, well, everyone knows hands and knees is the best position, right?"
Kotetsu gives him a reassuring grin. It's almost convincing for all of the fifteen seconds it lasts before devolving down to the rictus-level better suited to the tenth minute in front of too many paparazzi without a break than to convincing anyone he has any idea what he's doing. For most of a minute, neither of them say anything.
"There's bound to be instructions on the internet somewhere, right?" says Barnaby at last.
"Good idea," Kotetsu agrees.
velithya immediately pointed out that person was going to be me. Title: Like falling off a log
Summary: In which Kotetsu and Barnaby attempt, somewhat miserably, to have sex.
Rating: R
Word count: ~1050
Notes: Presumably set somewhere post episode 13, though no real spoilers. Not to be taken remotely seriously.
After half a minute of nervous anticipation without any hint as to what's taking Kotetsu so long, Barnaby gives in to the temptation to look back over his shoulder. What he sees makes his jaw drop. "Are you reading the instructions?"
Kotetsu makes an abortive movement, rather like he'd been about to hide the tube of lubricant he'd been scrutinising behind his back (as though there could be anything left on it worth hiding after the time they'd already taken to determine it was the one brand on the rack which a) was not marketed on the basis of flavour, ability to glow in the dark or other gimmick that neither of them could look the other in eye while considering, b) was not among the excruciatingly named knock-off brands packaged in imitation of the one with Nathan's face plastered all over the tube or c) was, most important of all, not the one which did have Nathan's face plastered all over the tube, despite the sales girl's enthusiastic recommendation). He looks up at Barnaby with the slack-jawed expression that means he's been caught out and is about to handle it badly—the one that has, over the course of their association, gone from being infuriating to merely frustrating to frustratingly endearing, and is now responsible for churning up a horrible suspicion in the stomach of one Barnaby Brooks Jr.
"Oh. Well," Kotetsu stammers. "It's common sense, isn't it? A Hero needs be responsible, whether he's apprehending a criminal or-"
Earlier that week, the both of them had spent the best part of a workday standing in front of a series of colourful, painfully two-dimensional studio sets recording sound bites and TV spots promoting the latest iteration of the Sternbild City police department's after school safety campaign. It's with a level of abject horror that Barnaby recognises that a thoroughly non-under-12's-appropriate version of Kotetsu's Responsible Hero routine is about to intrude in their first attempt to have actual sex, and this is one of the reasons he interrupts before one more word can make it out of his partner's mouth. "Kotetsu, have you done this before?"
Kotetsu is predictably taken aback. "Oi, now what kind of question is that for a man with an adorable ten-year-old daughter? We didn't find her on the doorstep, you know!"
"I mean," says Barnaby, trying very hard to be gentle despite a stomach twisting around into interestingly nervous shapes, "have you done this before with another man?"
Kotetsu's expression hangs there, comically frozen in place for a few seconds before everything about his posture deflates. "Ah. Well, actually, the truth is—when I met Tomoe I was only in high school, and after... well, for a while you don't believe there's going to be an after, you know? And even later, well, it didn't seem right if it wasn't with someone who meant the same as what she did..."
Kotetsu's eyes have gone soft and distant. This is a conversation they've had before (or one much like) in the course of a courtship strung together on the over-tensioned strings of so many misunderstood messages that it's with a sense of familiarity that Barnaby realises how badly he'd overestimated this aspect of his partner's life in the five years he's been widowed. "You could have told me, you know." It's no admonition. It's no more than the simple truth.
Kotetsu scratches the back of his head and gives a lop-sided grin. "Sorry, my bad. Couldn't bear to look so uncool in front of my gorgeous new boyfriend," and that's all good and well, they're both smiling about it, until Kotetsu adds, "You know, there's him with all his legions of fans practically throwing themselves at his feet, how can I go and admit to being so inexperienced?"
This makes so little sense that Barnaby goes on smiling for several seconds before Kotetsu's meaning sinks in. "Oh—you thought I'd..." Barnaby can feel his cheeks heating with unusual speed. "Oh. No. I never—I never did... anything like that..."
Now it's Kotetsu's turn to gape at him. "You mean-"
"Is that so hard to believe?" says Barnaby, and oh god, he's naked in bed with Kotetsu and this is what sends him blushing like a schoolgirl? "Until now, I never had time for anything but my research and my work to become a hero w-worthy of my parents' legacy. Weren't you the one always saying I needed to relax more?"
"Yeah, but when it comes to your fans you were always so serious. I mean," Kotetsu amends, realising a moment late how that sounded, "not that being serious means sleeping with them, but anyone could have told you you could have had anyone you wanted. You project such an image!"
"It's part of the job!" Barnaby protests.
Kotetsu laughs softly, and gently brushes a stray hair out of Barnaby's face. "Aren't we the pair? Both of us so sure the other's the one to look up to. Well, that doesn't matter. We'll figure this out together, right?"
"Mm." That doesn't sound at all bad.
"Anyhow," says Kotetsu, "how different can it be to having sex with a lady? Sure they say first times can be a little, you know, a little rough, but as long as we have this there's no problem!" Kotetsu brandishes the lube as though he's been paid to endorse it. "Lube, then condoms... wait, no, it's the other way around, isn't it? Hang on, before that there's the fingers... no, one finger first then fingers... and that's easy as long as the guy on the bottom is, um, well, everyone knows hands and knees is the best position, right?"
Kotetsu gives him a reassuring grin. It's almost convincing for all of the fifteen seconds it lasts before devolving down to the rictus-level better suited to the tenth minute in front of too many paparazzi without a break than to convincing anyone he has any idea what he's doing. For most of a minute, neither of them say anything.
"There's bound to be instructions on the internet somewhere, right?" says Barnaby at last.
"Good idea," Kotetsu agrees.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 04:12 pm (UTC)Very cute and funny. They are, both, so a-dork-able here.
Cheers.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:14 pm (UTC)Dorks at their dorkiest. Glad you liked it. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 04:44 pm (UTC)They really do defy all seme/uke stereotypes, which I love about them. Personally, I like Barnaby on bottom, but I've never thought of him as an uke, if that makes sense to you.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 04:24 am (UTC)Personally, I like Barnaby on bottom, but I've never thought of him as an uke, if that makes sense to you.
Perfect sense - in all honesty, for most purposes that would be the scenario I'd default too as well. But that said, the image that inspired this particular fic was just too good to pass up.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 05:08 pm (UTC)poor babies.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 05:55 pm (UTC)That was so so cute. Awww. And not at all hard to believe.
Man I love the way they solve their problems...
no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:15 pm (UTC)Man I love the way they solve their problems...
Oh you just wait. If this fails, their emergency backup plan involves going to Nathan for advice, and there are some things you just don't want to have to discuss with the people who see you at work everyday. >D
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:10 pm (UTC)Not to mention so much more fun to write than the version where everything goes smoothly. ;) Pleased to hear you enjoyed this, especially if you wouldn't usually have been sold on it on the pairing alone. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:03 pm (UTC)and the little touches -- such as Nathan's brand of lube -- were wonderful
Heh, no way could I resist throwing those in. Even in their most intimate moments, their corporate-sponsored lifestyle will find a way to intrude. *g*
no subject
Date: 2011-09-01 11:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 07:25 am (UTC)You know, I really could seem them having a conversation like this if they got together in canon.
They'd have to do a bunch of research, then argue for 15 minutes over exactly how to interpret the instructions. Hee!
no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:06 pm (UTC)They'd have to do a bunch of research, then argue for 15 minutes over exactly how to interpret the instructions. Hee!
Oh, they so would. Their troubles have only just begun. >D
no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 09:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-02 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-07 08:01 pm (UTC)