Cable/Deadpool crackfic snippet
May. 5th, 2011 09:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rallamajoopOkay, let's get this one out there at the top of the post before I get to the excuses: I just wrote 1300 words of a The Little Mermaid AU Cable/Deadpool fic.
While waiting to get the next chapter of the highschool AU back from my beta reader I felt the need for a bit of a light relief between the big fic projects - the irony here being that the HS AU was supposed to be light relief between bigger fic projects that has since gone badly feral. When you've reached the point where you feel the need to write a bit of something for light relief from your cheesey highschool AU fic, you may as well admit you're already well off the deep end of crackfic territory.
Or to put it another way, this is another of those scenes that get written because they would not leave me alone.
The worst part is, of course, that this fandom already has a The Little Merpool AU, in the form of a hilarious 24 page comic featuring, amongst other things, Bob the Fish, Weasel the Lobster, and Deadpool the Mermaid-Who-Wants-To-Be-Human-Because-He's-Fed-Up-With-His-Fishy-Lack-Of-Interesting-Plumbing. Really, you should probably just go read it now if you haven't already, just so we can all be perfectly clear on how I cannot even claim original crackfic anymore. But also because it's kind of brilliant.
If that comic has a fault, it's only that somewhere in the middle it veered right off to the left of where I thought it was heading and left me with a head full of leftover ideas for things you could do by mashing up Cable & Deadpool with The Little Mermaid which never made it into that one comic. What about the chance to mix up Deadpool's canonical desire to just look like a normal human being with the mermaid's longing to be human? What about the chance to cast Cable as the handsome prince and Blind Al as the old witch who thinks Deadpool's off his nut for imagining that any prince who'd turn him down for his face is worth giving the time of day, but who grudgingly agrees to grant his wish anyway just to make a point? What about Deadpool tackling the 'you must snog within three days or the deal is off' rule head-on with his glorious Deadpool aplomb? So. Many. Possibilities.
So in honour of yet another Idea That Would Not Die, have a very rough, completely un-betaed scene from the middle somewhere.
I honestly have no idea if there's going to be anymore of this.
Prince Nathanial Christopher Charles Dayspring Askani'son Summers isn't usually in the habit of taking long walks on the beach. Or anywhere, as a general rule. When he's in the mood for quiet contemplation he does it inside, where there are fewer opportunities for obsessive royalists to leap out at him unexpected.
Then again, he's not usually in the habit of being rescued by enigmatic mermen who vanish before he can thank them properly either, so perhaps it's just that sort of week.
He wishes he knew what he was doing out here.
Alright, that's not true, what he really wishes is that he had a better explanation than the insane idea that his rescuer might just pop his head out of the waves and let Nathan wave him over for a chat if he he makes himself visible enough. Anyone could have told him what a longshot this was in an ocean this size. Given that one of few things Nathan does know about the merman is his firm aversion to being seen at all, it would be a longshot even were the ocean the size of a millpond. All he can say in defence of the idea is that it's surely no more crazy than the idea of a merman saving a human's life in the first place, and he knows that happened, even if the rest of the court is convinced it was no more than a fever dream brought on by swallowing too much seawater.
Everyone knows that mermen are ugly, vicious creatures without a ounce of love for mankind to share between them; more naturally inclined to drag a hapless sailor down to his doom in a fit of cackling glee than carry him ashore. So either what everyone knows about mermen is wrong or Nathan has encountered the one exception, and it bothers him that he has no way of knowing which. It hadn't seemed polite to ask at the time, considering it effort it had taken just to get the admission that his mysterious rescuer was a merman in the first place. If Nathan had to guess he'd say the merman had seemed more than a little embarrassed to have been caught helping a human.
If that's true – if the merman had done something the rest of his race would disapprove of in order to help him – that only makes Nathan's debt to him all the greater. Unfortunately, staring out into the ocean fails to grant him any particular insight into how he's going to go about ever finding that merman again.
Nathan still has no idea what he thinks he's doing out here.
Sighing, he turns back towards home just in time to watch a large wave tumbling a naked man up the beach not twenty feet away from him. For a moment Nathan wonders whether the sea has delivered him his merman after all, but on a second look the man is plainly human. He's also plainly in serious need of some help.
Nathan doesn't stop to wonder what the a naked man is doing out there, just tosses his coat onto the sand and charges into the surf. The next wave reaches the floundering man a moment before Nathan does and he goes under; Nathan pulls him up coughing and spluttering. He goes mostly limp as Nathan drags him up the beach and rolls him on to his side on the edge of the waveline. There the man proceeds to cough up another couple of mouthfuls of water and finally flop over over onto his back, panting. Nathan lets him lie there for a while as he gets his breath back. The edge of a few waves wash up as far as his legs, slowly eroding sand out under him like an irritable landlord, but he's otherwise in no more danger from the sea up here.
After a minute he opens his eyes. Nathan leans over him, concerned.
“Are you alright?” he asks.
Nathan has just time to register the man reaching for him before he becomes aware that he's being kissed enthusiastically on the lips by someone who tastes strongly of seawater.
Alright, thinks Nathan. Apparently this man is very grateful for his help. Or possibly foreign. One of those things.
The man stops kissing him again just as suddenly and stares off into the distance for a confusing moment, like he's just remembered something worrying or heard something Nathan hasn't. Automatically, Nathan turns to look in the same direction. There's nothing there. Odd.
When he looks back the man has shaken himself out of his daze and is gazing at Nathan as though he's just discovered religion. It makes Nathan faintly uncomfortable.
“It was nothing really,” he says, standing up. The man's gaze follows him. There's something tantalisingly familiar about him that Nathan can't quite place. At least he does seem to be alright, he supposes as he looks the man over, not to mention quite. Er. Quite.
It's at about this moment that the man seems to remember that he's still very naked and hurriedly covers himself up with both hands. He looks up at Nathan accusingly, then down at his hands again. It's clearly too late to hope he hadn't noticed Nathan looking.
“I didn't mean...” Nathan stammers.
The man looks back up and waggles his eyebrows at him.
Perhaps he's very foreign, thinks Nathan, feeling a little helpless.
“Look, I... you can borrow my coat,” he offers, and hurries off to retrieve it, grateful for the distraction.
It's too big on the man and he has to help him with the sleeves, but at least it's long enough to hang down to his thighs, which makes things much less awkward for both of them. Again, the man looks inordinately grateful; Nathan doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's very fond of that coat himself and is going to want it back.
“Now maybe you could tell me how you came to be out here,” he prompts.
The man's shoulders slump. He pats his throat significantly and Nathan is suddenly seeing his silence thus far in a new light.
“You can't speak?”
The man shakes his head, shoulders slumping even further.
“But you can understand me, can't you?”
The man nods vigorously. He can't be that foreign then, but even so. “You're not from around here, are you?” Nathan hazards.
Another shake.
“I suppose it's not going to be much good me asking who you are and where you came from either then,” says Nathan, “Unless you could, er, mime it out, or something.”
The man considers, looks sharply at Nathan with an expression that suggests inspiration has struck, and then he charges back into the surf, wading out until the water is up to his knees. He points to himself, splashes around in exaggerated fashion for a bit, then points to himself again, willing Nathan to understand. Any fool could see he's trying to tell Nathan something important.
“You're.... called Wade?” Nathan guesses.
The man hits himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand and falls dramatically backwards into the water, probably ruining Nathan's coat in the process. Given the chance Nathan is sure he would have been a lot more embarrassed or insulted or something to that general effect by this reaction had he not been urgently occupied rushing into the waves to drag the man out again.
At least one thing about his origins is clear: wherever the man hails from must be dry as a bone, if he's lived to this age without getting enough experience with water to learn he can't breathe it.
He lets Wade keep the coat – it's never going to be the same again anyway – and Wade lets Nathan keep calling him 'Wade', despite the name evidently not belonging to either of them. It's just going to have to do until they get a little better at this whole communication thing.
While waiting to get the next chapter of the highschool AU back from my beta reader I felt the need for a bit of a light relief between the big fic projects - the irony here being that the HS AU was supposed to be light relief between bigger fic projects that has since gone badly feral. When you've reached the point where you feel the need to write a bit of something for light relief from your cheesey highschool AU fic, you may as well admit you're already well off the deep end of crackfic territory.
Or to put it another way, this is another of those scenes that get written because they would not leave me alone.
The worst part is, of course, that this fandom already has a The Little Merpool AU, in the form of a hilarious 24 page comic featuring, amongst other things, Bob the Fish, Weasel the Lobster, and Deadpool the Mermaid-Who-Wants-To-Be-Human-Because-He's-Fed-Up-With-His-Fishy-Lack-Of-Interesting-Plumbing. Really, you should probably just go read it now if you haven't already, just so we can all be perfectly clear on how I cannot even claim original crackfic anymore. But also because it's kind of brilliant.
If that comic has a fault, it's only that somewhere in the middle it veered right off to the left of where I thought it was heading and left me with a head full of leftover ideas for things you could do by mashing up Cable & Deadpool with The Little Mermaid which never made it into that one comic. What about the chance to mix up Deadpool's canonical desire to just look like a normal human being with the mermaid's longing to be human? What about the chance to cast Cable as the handsome prince and Blind Al as the old witch who thinks Deadpool's off his nut for imagining that any prince who'd turn him down for his face is worth giving the time of day, but who grudgingly agrees to grant his wish anyway just to make a point? What about Deadpool tackling the 'you must snog within three days or the deal is off' rule head-on with his glorious Deadpool aplomb? So. Many. Possibilities.
So in honour of yet another Idea That Would Not Die, have a very rough, completely un-betaed scene from the middle somewhere.
I honestly have no idea if there's going to be anymore of this.
Prince Nathanial Christopher Charles Dayspring Askani'son Summers isn't usually in the habit of taking long walks on the beach. Or anywhere, as a general rule. When he's in the mood for quiet contemplation he does it inside, where there are fewer opportunities for obsessive royalists to leap out at him unexpected.
Then again, he's not usually in the habit of being rescued by enigmatic mermen who vanish before he can thank them properly either, so perhaps it's just that sort of week.
He wishes he knew what he was doing out here.
Alright, that's not true, what he really wishes is that he had a better explanation than the insane idea that his rescuer might just pop his head out of the waves and let Nathan wave him over for a chat if he he makes himself visible enough. Anyone could have told him what a longshot this was in an ocean this size. Given that one of few things Nathan does know about the merman is his firm aversion to being seen at all, it would be a longshot even were the ocean the size of a millpond. All he can say in defence of the idea is that it's surely no more crazy than the idea of a merman saving a human's life in the first place, and he knows that happened, even if the rest of the court is convinced it was no more than a fever dream brought on by swallowing too much seawater.
Everyone knows that mermen are ugly, vicious creatures without a ounce of love for mankind to share between them; more naturally inclined to drag a hapless sailor down to his doom in a fit of cackling glee than carry him ashore. So either what everyone knows about mermen is wrong or Nathan has encountered the one exception, and it bothers him that he has no way of knowing which. It hadn't seemed polite to ask at the time, considering it effort it had taken just to get the admission that his mysterious rescuer was a merman in the first place. If Nathan had to guess he'd say the merman had seemed more than a little embarrassed to have been caught helping a human.
If that's true – if the merman had done something the rest of his race would disapprove of in order to help him – that only makes Nathan's debt to him all the greater. Unfortunately, staring out into the ocean fails to grant him any particular insight into how he's going to go about ever finding that merman again.
Nathan still has no idea what he thinks he's doing out here.
Sighing, he turns back towards home just in time to watch a large wave tumbling a naked man up the beach not twenty feet away from him. For a moment Nathan wonders whether the sea has delivered him his merman after all, but on a second look the man is plainly human. He's also plainly in serious need of some help.
Nathan doesn't stop to wonder what the a naked man is doing out there, just tosses his coat onto the sand and charges into the surf. The next wave reaches the floundering man a moment before Nathan does and he goes under; Nathan pulls him up coughing and spluttering. He goes mostly limp as Nathan drags him up the beach and rolls him on to his side on the edge of the waveline. There the man proceeds to cough up another couple of mouthfuls of water and finally flop over over onto his back, panting. Nathan lets him lie there for a while as he gets his breath back. The edge of a few waves wash up as far as his legs, slowly eroding sand out under him like an irritable landlord, but he's otherwise in no more danger from the sea up here.
After a minute he opens his eyes. Nathan leans over him, concerned.
“Are you alright?” he asks.
Nathan has just time to register the man reaching for him before he becomes aware that he's being kissed enthusiastically on the lips by someone who tastes strongly of seawater.
Alright, thinks Nathan. Apparently this man is very grateful for his help. Or possibly foreign. One of those things.
The man stops kissing him again just as suddenly and stares off into the distance for a confusing moment, like he's just remembered something worrying or heard something Nathan hasn't. Automatically, Nathan turns to look in the same direction. There's nothing there. Odd.
When he looks back the man has shaken himself out of his daze and is gazing at Nathan as though he's just discovered religion. It makes Nathan faintly uncomfortable.
“It was nothing really,” he says, standing up. The man's gaze follows him. There's something tantalisingly familiar about him that Nathan can't quite place. At least he does seem to be alright, he supposes as he looks the man over, not to mention quite. Er. Quite.
It's at about this moment that the man seems to remember that he's still very naked and hurriedly covers himself up with both hands. He looks up at Nathan accusingly, then down at his hands again. It's clearly too late to hope he hadn't noticed Nathan looking.
“I didn't mean...” Nathan stammers.
The man looks back up and waggles his eyebrows at him.
Perhaps he's very foreign, thinks Nathan, feeling a little helpless.
“Look, I... you can borrow my coat,” he offers, and hurries off to retrieve it, grateful for the distraction.
It's too big on the man and he has to help him with the sleeves, but at least it's long enough to hang down to his thighs, which makes things much less awkward for both of them. Again, the man looks inordinately grateful; Nathan doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's very fond of that coat himself and is going to want it back.
“Now maybe you could tell me how you came to be out here,” he prompts.
The man's shoulders slump. He pats his throat significantly and Nathan is suddenly seeing his silence thus far in a new light.
“You can't speak?”
The man shakes his head, shoulders slumping even further.
“But you can understand me, can't you?”
The man nods vigorously. He can't be that foreign then, but even so. “You're not from around here, are you?” Nathan hazards.
Another shake.
“I suppose it's not going to be much good me asking who you are and where you came from either then,” says Nathan, “Unless you could, er, mime it out, or something.”
The man considers, looks sharply at Nathan with an expression that suggests inspiration has struck, and then he charges back into the surf, wading out until the water is up to his knees. He points to himself, splashes around in exaggerated fashion for a bit, then points to himself again, willing Nathan to understand. Any fool could see he's trying to tell Nathan something important.
“You're.... called Wade?” Nathan guesses.
The man hits himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand and falls dramatically backwards into the water, probably ruining Nathan's coat in the process. Given the chance Nathan is sure he would have been a lot more embarrassed or insulted or something to that general effect by this reaction had he not been urgently occupied rushing into the waves to drag the man out again.
At least one thing about his origins is clear: wherever the man hails from must be dry as a bone, if he's lived to this age without getting enough experience with water to learn he can't breathe it.
He lets Wade keep the coat – it's never going to be the same again anyway – and Wade lets Nathan keep calling him 'Wade', despite the name evidently not belonging to either of them. It's just going to have to do until they get a little better at this whole communication thing.
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-05 02:13 pm (UTC)I love how expressive Wade is despite not being able to talk, and Nathan mourning his cloak (and OMG, how come we don't have Nathan's huge cloak being warped around Wade before in that fandom? HOW COME I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD A KINK FOR THAT SORT OF THING BEFORE?!)
Alright, thinks Nathan. Apparently this man is very grateful for his help. Or possibly foreign. One of those things.
Hehehehehe.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-05 03:38 pm (UTC)Yes! That was the other thing I was supposed to mention about why a Little Mermaid AU works so well for Deadpool - just the image of a Wade who's had to trade in his voice, of all sacrifices... but somehow, doesn't seem any quieter for it. XD
(and OMG, how come we don't have Nathan's huge cloak being warped around Wade before in that fandom? HOW COME I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD A KINK FOR THAT SORT OF THING BEFORE?!)
Not to ruin the image, but since he's a prince in this AU he's probably wearing a different coat to the one from C&DP (and is presumably a fair bit younger and all that, and now that I think of it it's obviously the Island Nation of Providence that he's prince of, heee). I don't know that we're actually in velvet and gold trim territory, but it'd probably be something more... princely? Unless he has some reason to go wandering around in something with the cowboy-longcoat kind of look we're used to. Hm.
But speaking more generally about Wade wearing Nate's coat, I am pretty sure I could get behind that one. Coming up with excuses to wrap him up in it would be tricky, since Wade's about the least vulnerable person in existence, but now that I think of it I really wouldn't mind seeing some fanart where, say, Deadpool's fallen asleep on the couch, and someone has draped that coat over him to keep him from getting cold. :3
no subject
Date: 2011-05-05 05:48 pm (UTC)Shush, I have my mental image, and I'm sticking to it. (plus it's hilarious to imagine the cowboy-longcoat over a velvet doublet.)
Unless he has some reason to go wandering around in something with the cowboy-longcoat kind of look we're used to. Hm.<
'Tis the traditional dress wear of his people. Very folkloric.
But speaking more generally about Wade wearing Nate's coat, I am pretty sure I could get behind that one.
I KNOW RIGHT
Coming up with excuses to wrap him up in it would be tricky, since Wade's about the least vulnerable person in existence
Like that has stopped anyone in this fandom from treating Wade like a woobie! XD
but now that I think of it I really wouldn't mind seeing some fanart where, say, Deadpool's fallen asleep on the couch, and someone has draped that coat over him to keep him from getting cold. :3
♥ it must be done. Wish I could draw.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-05 07:11 pm (UTC)This is lovely.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-06 12:35 am (UTC)Like that has stopped anyone in this fandom from treating Wade like a woobie! XD
Oh, Wade can be a total woobie when the mood hits him, just more in an emotionally vulnerable rather than a physically vulnerable way. If Cable did give him his coat for whatever reason, it'd probably end up getting completely wrecked when Deadpool gets into some big fight within a couple of scenes. Though that could still be worth it just for Deadpool being all "Iruinedyourcoat, reallysorry" when he gets back only for Cable to tell him he doesn't mind (just as long as Wade's okay, of course).
There are a couple of artists around this fandom who take requests now and then, maybe I could drop a few hints.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-06 12:37 am (UTC)and now we have two of them ahahaIt almost fits together a little too well, doesn't it? Glad you enjoyed it. =Dno subject
Date: 2011-05-07 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-07 02:44 am (UTC)and the contents of my notebook right now would suggest that yes, there is indeed going to be more
no subject
Date: 2011-05-07 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-07 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-07 09:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-08 07:32 am (UTC)My favorite line was the one where Nate decides "Wade" must be from somewhere with no water if he's gone this long without realizing he can't breathe it,
Ah, poor Nate. It's a perfectly rational deduction based on the evidence at hand, but Wade has gone and made it impossibly difficult for Nate to make the connection between his mysterious merman and this guy who can't swim.
And that Wade will surprise Nate with more kisses soon, because that was just too hilarious not to be repeated.
Actually, what we didn't see happening when Wade does that thing where he breaks off and stares into the distance after snogging Nate is that he was hearing Blind Al's voice in his head saying, "Oh, thinks he's clever, does he? Deal was you have to make him to put the moves on you. For that, I'm taking an hour off your time limit, and next time I catch you cheating you can say goodbye to a whole day!" So there's going to be no more surprise kissing from Wade. Just lots of unsubtle flirting, most of which will nonetheless go staight over Nate's head.
FTR, a kiss doesn't count for a whole lot anyway. This being a Deadpool story and not a Disney movie, what Deadpool has to convince Nate to do within his three day time-limit is a bit less G-rated.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-10 11:07 am (UTC)Speaking of which, all of the above sounds completely awesome, and I support it completely! And I am also literally choking with laughter at the mental image of Blind Al with Ursula-style tentacles. Just. How could you do this to me? XDDD
no subject
Date: 2011-05-10 12:20 pm (UTC)am also literally choking with laughter at the mental image of Blind Al with Ursula-style tentacles.
Hm, not entirely sure about the tentacles, she may have more of a medusa thing going than the traditional Ursula look (sorta fits with the whole pseudo-Greek blind prophetess image), but knowing Blind Al she could make either work. One little detail about the merfolk in this story that wouldn't have been all that evident from this little snippet is that Deadpool does have legs even before getting himself transformed into a human - in this version of the story Deadpool's desire to be human is purely cosmetic. So Blind Al could be similarly leggy - or she could make good use of those tentacles feeling around stuff she can't see. I am completely undecided on this one so far.
I am more stuck on Weasel at the moment. Don't want to make him a crab since that's been done and I can't really see him as a fish, so what does that leave? An electric eel that powers its own gadgets? A sea otter that Deadpool calls 'Weasel' to annoy him? An actual talking weasel?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-11 12:46 am (UTC)And that's interesting, that merpeople in this story have legs. How is Wade actually different, then? I'm assuming he did have gills, before? Did he have skin issues too?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-11 01:29 am (UTC)How is Wade actually different, then? I'm assuming he did have gills, before? Did he have skin issues too?
He'd have gills and probably fins or something, but with Deadpool it's really all about the skin issues. Merpeople in the universe I've got in mind would be basically humanoid but horribly ugly (which you do get in some mythologies), so of course poor Deadpool's convinced himself that the handsome prince could never love someone as ugly as him.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 10:23 am (UTC)