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rallamajoopSince I'm still waiting on my beta for the next real chapter of the high school AU, have another random scene that has been kicking around my head for ages but would never have fit into any real chapter. Phone conversation between Wade and Theresa, set a little later the same night as chapter 6.
The name that pops up on her phone makes her frown for a extra bar's worth of ringtone before answering. “Wade? Since when do you call me at home?”
“Teeerrrrryyyy. Nate kissed me!”
“Oh you idiot, what – wait a minute, he kissed you?”
“Yuh-huh.”
“On purpose? Wade, I swear, if you called me up to tell me about some stupid dare or how he tripped and fell-”
“-head over heals in love with yours truly, siiiigh. He said!”
“Did he now?”
“Well, okay, first he said a bunch of stuff about how he's a psychic mutant or some shit and how he's been taking his sweet time making up his mind or whatever, not the point, Terry, Nate kissed me!”
“Mm-hm. You promise me this wasn't part of some scheme to make a certain poster-boy for the dangers of home-schooling believe straight best friends lock lips all the time?”
“Terry, I am hurt, would I do a thing like that?”
“Wade, just because I'll be repeating that to the judge five years from now doesn't mean I have to believe it.”
“I'm serious, Terry! Cross my heart! He came out and told me he liked me, and there was actualfacts swear-to-god full-articulated tongue action going over my tonsils!”
“We're getting real close to the land of TMI here, Wade.”
“Aw, c'mon Terry! What kind of straight best friend are you if I can't call you up right in the middle of American Idol hour to spill all the juicy deets about my totally existent love life?”
“And then we can do each other's nails and braid each other's hair?”
“Hey, I'll remind you that kind of language is unbelievably offensive to the follicly challenged among us over here!”
“Alright, alright. So. Nathan – the mysteriously hot one you somehow bamboozled into thinking you were cool on his first day – he's into you?”
“Like a tick in your epidermis.”
“Well. I suppose congratulations are in order. Have you picked out names for your children yet or are you still deciding who gets to wear the wedding dress?”
“Terry, if you think I would be so low as to let him wear clothes on our special day you have completely the wrong idea about our relationship.”
“I'm hanging up the phone now, Wade. There's been a terrible emergency revolving around the cute guy with the dreadlocks and the amazing tenor who just stepped up on screen, and how I risk forfeiting all rights to bitch out the judges when they get it all wrong if I miss a second of this. Also my need to sleep tonight without this conversation coming back to haunt me.”
“Fine, see if I come through for you when you need a certified queer eye opinion on what shoes you should wear to the prom.”
“Wade Wilson, I would let my own Pa pick out those shoes blindfolded before I would take advice from you. Oh, and tell your new boyfriend something from me: if it turns out he's stringing you along, any part of him still intact after that guardian of yours is done with him gets to answer to me, got it?”
“Hey, he's taken, keep your grubby mits to yourself!”
“Goodnight, Wade.”
[click]
A life in the orbit of Wade Wilson could be many things, but it would never be boring.
The name that pops up on her phone makes her frown for a extra bar's worth of ringtone before answering. “Wade? Since when do you call me at home?”
“Teeerrrrryyyy. Nate kissed me!”
“Oh you idiot, what – wait a minute, he kissed you?”
“Yuh-huh.”
“On purpose? Wade, I swear, if you called me up to tell me about some stupid dare or how he tripped and fell-”
“-head over heals in love with yours truly, siiiigh. He said!”
“Did he now?”
“Well, okay, first he said a bunch of stuff about how he's a psychic mutant or some shit and how he's been taking his sweet time making up his mind or whatever, not the point, Terry, Nate kissed me!”
“Mm-hm. You promise me this wasn't part of some scheme to make a certain poster-boy for the dangers of home-schooling believe straight best friends lock lips all the time?”
“Terry, I am hurt, would I do a thing like that?”
“Wade, just because I'll be repeating that to the judge five years from now doesn't mean I have to believe it.”
“I'm serious, Terry! Cross my heart! He came out and told me he liked me, and there was actualfacts swear-to-god full-articulated tongue action going over my tonsils!”
“We're getting real close to the land of TMI here, Wade.”
“Aw, c'mon Terry! What kind of straight best friend are you if I can't call you up right in the middle of American Idol hour to spill all the juicy deets about my totally existent love life?”
“And then we can do each other's nails and braid each other's hair?”
“Hey, I'll remind you that kind of language is unbelievably offensive to the follicly challenged among us over here!”
“Alright, alright. So. Nathan – the mysteriously hot one you somehow bamboozled into thinking you were cool on his first day – he's into you?”
“Like a tick in your epidermis.”
“Well. I suppose congratulations are in order. Have you picked out names for your children yet or are you still deciding who gets to wear the wedding dress?”
“Terry, if you think I would be so low as to let him wear clothes on our special day you have completely the wrong idea about our relationship.”
“I'm hanging up the phone now, Wade. There's been a terrible emergency revolving around the cute guy with the dreadlocks and the amazing tenor who just stepped up on screen, and how I risk forfeiting all rights to bitch out the judges when they get it all wrong if I miss a second of this. Also my need to sleep tonight without this conversation coming back to haunt me.”
“Fine, see if I come through for you when you need a certified queer eye opinion on what shoes you should wear to the prom.”
“Wade Wilson, I would let my own Pa pick out those shoes blindfolded before I would take advice from you. Oh, and tell your new boyfriend something from me: if it turns out he's stringing you along, any part of him still intact after that guardian of yours is done with him gets to answer to me, got it?”
“Hey, he's taken, keep your grubby mits to yourself!”
“Goodnight, Wade.”
[click]
A life in the orbit of Wade Wilson could be many things, but it would never be boring.
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no subject
Date: 2012-06-15 05:05 pm (UTC)Truer words. XD
This was really nice. :) I recently went back and reread my favorite parts of Dogs of War and Good Intentions, so it was really cool and refresh my f-list and see a bonafide rallamajoop update. A REALLY FUNNY update, no less! "Follicly challenged", naked weddings...I swear you write Deadpool's dialogue better than most of the pros.
no subject
Date: 2012-06-16 02:58 am (UTC)I swear you write Deadpool's dialogue better than most of the pros.
You are far too kind. ^^;
no subject
Date: 2012-06-15 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-16 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 02:13 am (UTC)I just had to burst out laugh myself to death on this one.
Oh Wade, oh dear Wade!! LOLololcdoflzsda;fk
no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-03 02:16 pm (UTC)