In which we learn that Stryfe's true tragedy was his inability to ever grow his own facial hair

[rallamajoop]

Finally almost done with the next part of Good Intentions despite all distractions eesh, has it really been three months between updates? I did not mean to leave it this long. But that's not really what I'm here to talk about today - except in the sense that it's writing GI-5 that led me to reread some of my old Cable issues looking for characterisation hints on a certain player, and doing that was what led me to remind myself just how much crack some of those issues were on.

Take, for example, issues #6-8 of Cable Volume 1. At a glance, this ought to be pretty significant stuff - this is where we finally get the backstory on where Stryfe came from, where Scott and Cable finally get it confirmed that they're father and son, etc etc, but the execution... granted, it was the nineties, but this was a pretty special kind of crack.

Let's illustrate the situation using some multiple choice, shall we?


Q1. You're Stryfe, and although your physical body has been destroyed, you've managed to gain a foothold in Cable's mind! What is your first priority?

A) Alienate him from his family and friends. You want him as isolated as possible for when you gain full control.
B) Take careful note of his daily routine, bettering your ability to impersonate him when the time comes.
C) Give him nightmares that will haunt him for the rest of his days.
D) Grow an EVIL GOATEE!

Q2. You may have lost your hold on him for a while there, but not only are you back, this time you're in full control! What is your first priority?

A) Double check that Domino is actually dead, and not merely stunned and about to get up and run off to call the cavalry.
B) Perfect your plan to impersonate Cable, allowing you to pick off his supporters one by one while they suspect nothing!
C) To hell with with all this subtlety, the X-Men shall burn tonight!
D) Whinge and moan about how he dared to shave off your EVIL GOATEE!

Q3. Well, that didn't go quite as expected. You've just learned that, contrary to everything you were brought up to believe, Cable is the real thing and YOU are the clone! How do you react to this knowledge?

A) Who cares who the clone is? Any fool could tell that YOU are the superior specimen!
B) Take refuge in healthy denial. You are STRYFE, the all-powerful! Who are they to tell you who the clone is?
C) KILL EVERYONE WHO KNOWS!
D) Weep "MY LIFE IS A LIE!" and fade away into oblivion, your personal image forever shattered beyond repair.

If you selected answer D for all of the above, then congratulations, you're correct!*

Otherwise, too bad - guess you're just not evil clone material.

* Okay, okay, I'm exaggerating a little about the MY LIFE IS A LIE (IE-IE-IE)!!! part. But I'm not exaggerating at all about the beard.

Comments

[silvarbelle.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Good Intentions!

*ahem*

Yay. ^_^

....Seriously? D was the choice for the execution of that series?

GOATEE WHINING?????? CRYING????? The HELL?????

OMGWHUT. O.O

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

In evidence, I present you with: the (http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b117/rallamajoop/Comics/goatee1.jpg) following (http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b117/rallamajoop/Comics/goatee2.jpg) pics (http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b117/rallamajoop/Comics/goatee3.jpg).

It was a damned awkward mini-arc by all sorts of standards. The writer changed between issues two and three, the artists switched from drawing one character with short hair in issue one to giving him long flowing hair in issue two, and I don't know if I've ever seen that many expository text boxes crammed into one page before. Also, Stryfe apparently got left behind for Apocalypse to capture because his capsule-crib-thing didn't open in time. Because... they put babies in something designed to just open and shut at random, or something? IDGI. (Maybe the explanation was hidden somewhere in the MILLION EXPOSITORY TEXT BOXES I was skim-reading by that point.) Though I will admit to enjoying the bit about Domino's AK-47 tatoo.


(Probably still going to be a while yet before I can post the next part of GI though, what with my beta-reader still out of the country and all.)

[silvarbelle.livejournal.com]

Ooog, sorry it took so long to get back to this.

*looks at evidence*

Your Honor, the defense just plain damn gives UP. *falls over*

........Any chance your beta is coming back anytime soon? *hopeful grin*

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

Not until the end of the month. I still do have to actually *finish* the fic yet, though I'd be surprised if I haven't managed that much by the time she's back.

[silvarbelle.livejournal.com]

And to think, the only reason I ever looked forward to the end of October was for Halloween! =D

[merianmoriarty.livejournal.com]

ahhhhh, those were the days.... it's been a while, but i really remember it feeling like D on question 3 wasn't much of an exaggeration. and i remember spending the whole time going "dude, you're supposed to be evil? wow."

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

But of course he's evil! Didn't you see the EVIL GOATEE?

Stryfe's always been a very difficult villain for me to take seriously. The armour is bad enough, his antics throughout X-Cutioner's Song were even worse, but these issues really take the cake.

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

Hah, I KNEW it was D! Not because I'm such a huge expert on the nineties, so much as I know how over the top comics can get NOW. And what evil clone would be complete without his evil goatee, anyway?

(scuttles off to reread Good Intentions, just because)

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

The D's were all the kind of responses that were too crazy not to be true. *g* Poor Stryfe, it must be hard to stand out in a family full of so many clones.

Honestly, it wasn't even a very evil evil goatee. It was mostly just a short beard that suggested Cable hadn't shaved in a while.

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

Bearing in mind that my favorite character in DC is a kid who is a Silver Age hero's grandson from a thousand years in the future who has a villainous half brother who is physically older than him, but was born chronologically later in the timeline...Yeah, I know all about answers too crazy not to be true. XD

Man, poor Stryfe. He can't even grow an evil goatee properly, no wonder Cable always won.

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

Is that Bart, by any chance? If not, I am completely stumped.

The goatee thing is even more amusing when you realise his chin was about the only piece of uncovered skin on his whole evil-armour-costume. And still he never managed to grow any hair there.

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Bart. The second Captain Boomerang is his half-brother. Geoff Johns has sworn up and down that we'll get more details (and possibly a revelation? Cause right now like, two people in the entire universe know about it, neither of whom are Bart or Owen) but since Owen died during Blackest Night, who knows when that'll be? Not to mention the fact that everyone in the Flash family other than Barry Allen has been so firmly sidelined, they're in the stands now. It's enough to make you cry.

(face. palm.) XD Wow, that is some special fail right there. Perhaps he was trying to compensate for something?

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

Dude, I've been crying since he lost the Impulse costume and got grown up into an angst bucket and killed off and... well, basically ever since Young Justice finished. Though I will admit to enjoying enclyclopedic-knowledge!Kidflash from after the library incident a whole lot. *g* It was the first western comic I ever fell in love with. Didn't know about the evil brother thing, but like you say, this is comics!

The armour gets even more hilarious when you realise that, with those giant spikes on the bottom of his helmet, he couldn't even look down without stabbing himself in the chest.

Honestly, the whole beard thing was probably some spur-of-the-moment retcon where one of the writers went, 'hey, remember how Cable had a beard for a couple of issues? LOL what if we say it was because STRYFE WAS CONTROLLING HIS MIND!' One can only guess if they even thought about how ridiculous that would sound.

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

Aw, yeah. :( Impulse is the entire reason I'm into western comics at all. I loved his series, I was so sad when I realized it'd been over for years.

The thing with Owen is REALLY easy to miss, because as far as I know it's only brought up TWICE during the Rogue War, and there were so many different plot threads going through that story that really, you could've been looking for it and still missed it completely. It says something about the devotion of his fans that people are still asking about it, not that that stopped DC from killing him in a horrible and out of character way.

Hahahaha, WOW. Where did he get that, Impractical Evil Armor R Us?

Heh, doubtful. Comics are kind of supposed to be cracky, at least a little bit. We'd probably be talking about how clever and funny that plot twist is if the writing hadn't sucked so bad.

[inheavenlygrass.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I've never thought of Stryfe as particularly evil. To me he just seems like a man who reached emotional maturity at 4 and just went with it from there.

[rallamajoop.livejournal.com]

There is a lot of truth to this statement. Especially if you factor in his behaviour through X-Cutioner's Song, which mostly came down to a lot of screaming and whining about how his parents never loved him enough. Cringeworthy stuff.

You get the general idea he's supposed to be all scary and threatening, but I can just never take him seriously. Between the ridiculous armour and these kinds of antics he's like a parody of the kind of villain he wants to be.