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rallamajoopJust a shortish part this week, to fill in the gap before I get back up the bigger plot things which are shortly to follow. I'm through to the end of the second major section of the story in my notebook now, which is very satisfying. Makes me feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with this monster.
Other parts so far: The original ficlets, Plot notes, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
The best thing that could be said about the conversation Watanuki had with Sakura the following day was that it was the one such event that week that didn’t come as a complete surprise, because she’d been looking at him like she had something to say all day. When Fye vanished off into the lab building for some part or other he needed, she didn’t wait long before making the most of the opportunity.
“Syaoran-kun told you, didn’t he? What I can see?” she asked softly, even as she was fishing busily through the toolbox with her grease-stained hands.
Several thoughts collided in Watanuki’s head regarding the probability of Syaoran having told Sakura the full contents of their conversation the day before versus the odds he’d misinterpreted Sakura’s statement completely. Only then did it occur to him that Syaoran could have mentioned that one part without telling her all the details. It would probably be prudent not to bring up any more than he was sure she knew, anyway.
“The ghosts?” he said, instinctively letting his voice rise no louder than hers.
Sakura nodded. “On cloudy days, there’s a grey woman who watches the sunrise from the edge of the camp. You’ve seen her too, right?”
Watanuki could only stare, eyes wide.
“I’m not like you,” Sakura said sadly, finding the tool she needed by touch and bringing her hands back to her chest. “I can only barely see them. Often, they’re only shapes and I can’t make any sense of what they try to say to me. I see their mouths move, and they point and try to tell me things, but I can’t hear a word. They can’t show me where to find things like they can show you. I can’t help them like you can.”
“But – you really see them!” Watanuki blurted. “No-one else I’ve ever met could do that. I thought I must be the only one in the world…”
But Sakura was shaking her head. “All I can do is see how much they’re hurting. What you can do – it’s all real, isn’t it? It’s so much more important.”
“I don’t know that I really help them,” replied Watanuki. “When they talk to me – take me places, it’s them trying to help us, mostly. I can’t do much for them in return. Most of them don’t seem to want anything.”
“But you can still listen, can’t you? Even just to have someone who can listen, I’m sure that must mean a lot to so many of them.”
Watanuki recalled many nights spent in childhood – even into his older years – huddled under whatever covers he had, blocking his hears against hundreds of voices crying and wailing horrors he couldn’t bear to hear. He’d never felt guilty about it before. It hadn’t happened nearly so much since he’d joined this camp – thank god, he didn’t want to imagine how Doumeki would react to a display like that.
“I don’t know whether it’s enough to help though,” Watanuki said sadly. “There’s just so many of them.”
They both lapsed into silence. When Watanuki had pictured meeting someone else with his ability in his younger years, he’d never pictured anything like this.
“You’ve seen what’s around Syaoran too,” said Sakura.
Watanuki tried and failed to decide whether that meant Sakura had heard the full story from Syaoran. At least for the purpose of the conversation, he didn’t need to know yet. “Yeah.”
“They’ve been there ever since that day we escaped. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, he was just trying to protect me. He always protects me, through everything we’ve been through. That part – and what he did, he doesn’t remember anymore. But I can’t forget. I can’t ever forget anything. He shouldn’t have to know about everything. I thought, just this one time, I should be able to protect him from something. That’s why I never told him.”
Sakura shook herself slightly. “I’m sorry. I know I can’t be making much sense to you.”
“No, it’s alright, I think I understand.” Somehow, that was more than just a comforting lie. Even if Watanuki had no idea what she was referring to, there was something – maybe the emotion in her voice – that made him feel like he’d understood far more than he should have. “It’s like you said about the ghosts – to have even one person to listen, even if they can’t understand everything, it makes a difference. For me too. I’ve never spoken to anyone else who saw them before.”
Sakura rubbed her eyes, and looked up at him again. “Then we can all take care of each other, right?”
Watanuki only wished he believed it.
***
Doumeki got back to their shared building that evening to find that – for once, Watanuki hadn’t gone to bed ahead of him. He wasn’t even in the room. With a sense of nagging familiarity, Doumeki went for a lap of the camp perimeter. He eventually found Watanuki seated on the remains of the old low wall around the Western side – not exactly the same place he’d turned up last time he hadn’t been able to sleep, but close enough.
Watanuki gave him no more than a cursory backward glance as he approached, and remained silent until Doumeki came to a stop behind the wall to his side.
“Couldn’t sleep again?”
“Did you know Sakura could see ghosts?” said Watanuki. His voice had that accusatory quality which Doumeki hadn’t heard for a while.
“So I hear.”
“Well? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Not really,” said Doumeki. As long as they didn’t lead her to any buried treasure, it didn’t make much difference.
“I should’ve known,” said Watanuki with a weak laugh.
After a minute has passed without Doumeki finding anything to say in reply, Watanuki came out with, “Look, I’m going to start talking, alright? About a whole lot of things I’m sure you’ve got no interest in, so you don’t have to say anything. You don’t even have to pay much attention, but I need someone to listen or it’s all going to stay bottled up in here all night. And then probably neither of us would get any sleep.”
Doumeki gave a slight nod in confirmation.
“This world – it’s all wrong,” Watanuki began. “That wouldn’t be news to anyone, I know, but other people don’t realise how wrong. I don’t just see ghosts now and then, I see them everywhere. There’s thousands of them – too many to count – always right there on the edge of what I can see. There’s so many I don’t know how everyone else doesn’t see them too.
“What happened Before – so many people dying at once like that – it’s not supposed to happen. It’s like things don’t know how to live or die properly anymore because everything got thrown out of balance. And the ghosts I see are all so miserable. When it gets worst they all scream and wail and beg for things no-one can give them. They want us to survive so badly, sometimes even more than we want to, but most of them don’t have any idea how to help. If they get too close, all they can do is drag us down with them.”
Watanuki took a breath there, and continued on in a quieter tone. “Sakura said she can’t hear them. She thought it was wonderful that I could talk to them because that way I could help, but what can I do? There’s six billion of them and there’s only one of me, and the things they want to tell me I can’t stand to hear. They keep on talking even when I’m trying so hard not to listen. What good is that?”
“Isn’t that the same as what I’m doing?” said Doumeki. Watanuki looked at him, uncomprehending.
“Being here to hear you,” Doumeki explained. “Even if I’m not listening very hard.” Though he couldn’t easily not listen. Even if Doumeki didn’t understand half of what he was on about, Watanuki’s voice was hypnotic.
“I guess…” said Watanuki, sounding uncertain.
“Then that’s enough, isn’t it?” said Doumeki. “To help.” He wasn’t sure whether Watanuki was fully convinced, but he settled down a little, looking thoughtful.
“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t talk about this much.”
“No-one else to pretend to listen to you?”
“Look,” said Watanuki irritably, “It’s not like you’re the only people I’ve ever met who could ever be something like civil to me. I have known people I actually liked before. And even the worst gangs at least believed me.”
“But we’re the only ones who are still alive?” Doumeki hazarded.
Watanuki glared at him. “Since when does death stop people bothering me? The one difference is that you’re the ones who are here.”
“Would you rather be somewhere else?”
Watanuki sighed. “Nowhere I can think of. Oh, why can’t you ever just let me win an argument for a change?”
“Are we arguing?”
“We might as well be.”
“Don’t see why,” said Doumeki. “Ready to come back inside?”
Apparently, Watanuki was.
Other parts so far: The original ficlets, Plot notes, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
The best thing that could be said about the conversation Watanuki had with Sakura the following day was that it was the one such event that week that didn’t come as a complete surprise, because she’d been looking at him like she had something to say all day. When Fye vanished off into the lab building for some part or other he needed, she didn’t wait long before making the most of the opportunity.
“Syaoran-kun told you, didn’t he? What I can see?” she asked softly, even as she was fishing busily through the toolbox with her grease-stained hands.
Several thoughts collided in Watanuki’s head regarding the probability of Syaoran having told Sakura the full contents of their conversation the day before versus the odds he’d misinterpreted Sakura’s statement completely. Only then did it occur to him that Syaoran could have mentioned that one part without telling her all the details. It would probably be prudent not to bring up any more than he was sure she knew, anyway.
“The ghosts?” he said, instinctively letting his voice rise no louder than hers.
Sakura nodded. “On cloudy days, there’s a grey woman who watches the sunrise from the edge of the camp. You’ve seen her too, right?”
Watanuki could only stare, eyes wide.
“I’m not like you,” Sakura said sadly, finding the tool she needed by touch and bringing her hands back to her chest. “I can only barely see them. Often, they’re only shapes and I can’t make any sense of what they try to say to me. I see their mouths move, and they point and try to tell me things, but I can’t hear a word. They can’t show me where to find things like they can show you. I can’t help them like you can.”
“But – you really see them!” Watanuki blurted. “No-one else I’ve ever met could do that. I thought I must be the only one in the world…”
But Sakura was shaking her head. “All I can do is see how much they’re hurting. What you can do – it’s all real, isn’t it? It’s so much more important.”
“I don’t know that I really help them,” replied Watanuki. “When they talk to me – take me places, it’s them trying to help us, mostly. I can’t do much for them in return. Most of them don’t seem to want anything.”
“But you can still listen, can’t you? Even just to have someone who can listen, I’m sure that must mean a lot to so many of them.”
Watanuki recalled many nights spent in childhood – even into his older years – huddled under whatever covers he had, blocking his hears against hundreds of voices crying and wailing horrors he couldn’t bear to hear. He’d never felt guilty about it before. It hadn’t happened nearly so much since he’d joined this camp – thank god, he didn’t want to imagine how Doumeki would react to a display like that.
“I don’t know whether it’s enough to help though,” Watanuki said sadly. “There’s just so many of them.”
They both lapsed into silence. When Watanuki had pictured meeting someone else with his ability in his younger years, he’d never pictured anything like this.
“You’ve seen what’s around Syaoran too,” said Sakura.
Watanuki tried and failed to decide whether that meant Sakura had heard the full story from Syaoran. At least for the purpose of the conversation, he didn’t need to know yet. “Yeah.”
“They’ve been there ever since that day we escaped. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, he was just trying to protect me. He always protects me, through everything we’ve been through. That part – and what he did, he doesn’t remember anymore. But I can’t forget. I can’t ever forget anything. He shouldn’t have to know about everything. I thought, just this one time, I should be able to protect him from something. That’s why I never told him.”
Sakura shook herself slightly. “I’m sorry. I know I can’t be making much sense to you.”
“No, it’s alright, I think I understand.” Somehow, that was more than just a comforting lie. Even if Watanuki had no idea what she was referring to, there was something – maybe the emotion in her voice – that made him feel like he’d understood far more than he should have. “It’s like you said about the ghosts – to have even one person to listen, even if they can’t understand everything, it makes a difference. For me too. I’ve never spoken to anyone else who saw them before.”
Sakura rubbed her eyes, and looked up at him again. “Then we can all take care of each other, right?”
Watanuki only wished he believed it.
***
Doumeki got back to their shared building that evening to find that – for once, Watanuki hadn’t gone to bed ahead of him. He wasn’t even in the room. With a sense of nagging familiarity, Doumeki went for a lap of the camp perimeter. He eventually found Watanuki seated on the remains of the old low wall around the Western side – not exactly the same place he’d turned up last time he hadn’t been able to sleep, but close enough.
Watanuki gave him no more than a cursory backward glance as he approached, and remained silent until Doumeki came to a stop behind the wall to his side.
“Couldn’t sleep again?”
“Did you know Sakura could see ghosts?” said Watanuki. His voice had that accusatory quality which Doumeki hadn’t heard for a while.
“So I hear.”
“Well? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Not really,” said Doumeki. As long as they didn’t lead her to any buried treasure, it didn’t make much difference.
“I should’ve known,” said Watanuki with a weak laugh.
After a minute has passed without Doumeki finding anything to say in reply, Watanuki came out with, “Look, I’m going to start talking, alright? About a whole lot of things I’m sure you’ve got no interest in, so you don’t have to say anything. You don’t even have to pay much attention, but I need someone to listen or it’s all going to stay bottled up in here all night. And then probably neither of us would get any sleep.”
Doumeki gave a slight nod in confirmation.
“This world – it’s all wrong,” Watanuki began. “That wouldn’t be news to anyone, I know, but other people don’t realise how wrong. I don’t just see ghosts now and then, I see them everywhere. There’s thousands of them – too many to count – always right there on the edge of what I can see. There’s so many I don’t know how everyone else doesn’t see them too.
“What happened Before – so many people dying at once like that – it’s not supposed to happen. It’s like things don’t know how to live or die properly anymore because everything got thrown out of balance. And the ghosts I see are all so miserable. When it gets worst they all scream and wail and beg for things no-one can give them. They want us to survive so badly, sometimes even more than we want to, but most of them don’t have any idea how to help. If they get too close, all they can do is drag us down with them.”
Watanuki took a breath there, and continued on in a quieter tone. “Sakura said she can’t hear them. She thought it was wonderful that I could talk to them because that way I could help, but what can I do? There’s six billion of them and there’s only one of me, and the things they want to tell me I can’t stand to hear. They keep on talking even when I’m trying so hard not to listen. What good is that?”
“Isn’t that the same as what I’m doing?” said Doumeki. Watanuki looked at him, uncomprehending.
“Being here to hear you,” Doumeki explained. “Even if I’m not listening very hard.” Though he couldn’t easily not listen. Even if Doumeki didn’t understand half of what he was on about, Watanuki’s voice was hypnotic.
“I guess…” said Watanuki, sounding uncertain.
“Then that’s enough, isn’t it?” said Doumeki. “To help.” He wasn’t sure whether Watanuki was fully convinced, but he settled down a little, looking thoughtful.
“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t talk about this much.”
“No-one else to pretend to listen to you?”
“Look,” said Watanuki irritably, “It’s not like you’re the only people I’ve ever met who could ever be something like civil to me. I have known people I actually liked before. And even the worst gangs at least believed me.”
“But we’re the only ones who are still alive?” Doumeki hazarded.
Watanuki glared at him. “Since when does death stop people bothering me? The one difference is that you’re the ones who are here.”
“Would you rather be somewhere else?”
Watanuki sighed. “Nowhere I can think of. Oh, why can’t you ever just let me win an argument for a change?”
“Are we arguing?”
“We might as well be.”
“Don’t see why,” said Doumeki. “Ready to come back inside?”
Apparently, Watanuki was.
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Date: 2007-09-28 01:16 am (UTC)As was pointed out, there isn't really much Watanuki can do to help so many ghosts other than listen and give them a way to help the living, which he's already doing. Mostly this has just given him a new perspective on it all.
Never know whats going to happen next!
With all the random plot elements I've got planned, that may be true for quite a while yet.